The biggest mistake you’re making that’s keeping you from being happy

Ok, so I know you didn’t miss my silly faces and bad hair days, but for some reason you seem to like video better. So, video it is, then! And today, I’m back with more silly faces and another bad hair day. But this one is short, sweet, and to the point, so promise me you’ll watch it!

I make a lot of mistakes every single day.

I mean, A LOT.

When you’re a ditz like me, you grow a sense for these things.

But the mistake I’m talking about today is bigger. And it’s not reserved for clumsy ditzes like me.

Pretty much everyone I talk to makes this one. And it makes them feel powerless, unhappy, and needy.

When you make this mistake, you will feel kind of uneasy, like you lost your balance – because, in a way, you have.

It’s very easy to stop though. All it takes is noticing it, and knowing what it looks like.

Ok I’m going to just stop beating around the bush and let you watch the video already!

 

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing – the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitudes in a given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

- Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Where have you been giving your power away in your life? How will you reclaim it?

 

Want more energy? Simplify your life!

I’ve been really tired lately. Part of it was because of a nasty stomach bug. Part of it was just burnout.

I’ve been doing too much, throwing myself too much into work, business, and friendships. And when my life gets too busy, I not only get excited, I also get seriously stressed out.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the worry-queen of the world. Seriously. If I don’t have anything to worry about, I can easily manufacture something to worry about.

Do worries sell? I could make a fortune with this. Oh wait, the press already does. Nevermind.

Thankfully, I was able to change that around pretty easily.

You see, I live intuitively. What that means is that I do whatever my body (and soul) tells me is right for me. So I took some time off from really working on Link to Yourself (there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes!) and focused on reconnecting with myself and honoring my feelings.

I love taking time for myself, because it allows me to see what I’m doing that doesn’t resonate with me, as well as what I’m not doing enough of that really does resonate with me, and change my plans accordingly. Sure, I’m taking some time away from working on my business and maintaining friendships. But I’m OK with that, because doing less stuff but staying true to myself brings me more benefits than doing more stuff that may or may not be in tune with my feelings and values.

In short, I don’t like living my life in the dark. When I constantly maintain my connection with my true self, I make infinitely better choices. End of story.

Now that I’ve mesmerized you with this wonderful foray into my (utterly boring) life, let’s get down to business and talk about energy. More specifically, why you’re lacking energy, and what you can do to get lots more of it.

Download the Action Tracking Worksheet. I’ve already pre-filled it with an example of one of my own mornings :)

In the end, it all boils down to three steps:

  1. Figure out your energy drains
  2. Discriminate ruthlessly
  3. Simplify your life

Of course, there are a myriad other things I didn’t include here that you should be doing like getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating real food. But, even if you haven’t nailed these basic energy-growing habits, I trust that through this three-step system you will realize how important they are and get the motivation you need to start doing them regularly.

If you’re going to do nothing else, I want you to at least track your life for at least one day and choose one thought and one action that you will eliminate. Then commit to it. Planning is worthless without action!

How will you simplify your life to create more energy?

 

What to do when you’re feeling unsafe

I have big dreams with this website. In my mind, this website is already helping a lot of people connect with their inner power and live more vibrant lives.

Right now, In all honesty (if I am to “walk the talk” about authenticity…) this website is still tiny.

One of my goals is to make these coffee chats actual “chats”. A (mostly) real conversation with at least one of my amazing readers (and viewers!)  A place where I can answer your questions and help you directly.

But, when you’re tiny, you celebrate every little success.

Last week, when I had the great pleasure of being asked my very first question on this site, I immediately jumped at the idea of starting this “newer” version of LTY coffee chats. So, while most weeks it’ll still probably be me talking to you about some inane important subject, on others I will get  to have the real conversation I crave.

This week, the conversation is about safety, more specifically, un-safety. Click play to watch.

What do you think?

Have you ever felt unsafe? Was it the result of #1 or #2? What did you do about it?

Fulfill your potential

Everything that happens to you is exactly what you need at that moment.

Everything that comes up in life is an opportunity. Most importantly, it is the RIGHT opportunity for you at that moment in time.

Post 8 4-21-2013We are built to grow, to expand, and to allow ourselves to reach new heights of consciousness. We are made to love, trust, and believe. We are created to shine our light into this world and to live out loud.

Every experience you go through is a lesson. Every opportunity is a lesson. Every unfortunate event is a lesson. It can be a lesson in gratitude, a lesson in love, or maybe a lesson in responsibility.

By this, I don’t mean a lesson that will teach you “what you’re doing wrong” and make you regret what you’ve done or failed to do.

No, by this I mean a lesson that will allow you to grow.

Every experience is an opportunity for growth.

At any moment in time, you have two choices: to be comfortable or uncomfortable.

To be comfortable, just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Keep being average. Stay jealous. Remain a victim. Don’t do anything about it, either. You wouldn’t want to feel the pain of failure.

Unfortunately, life brings us pain no matter what. Whether you choose to be comfortable or not, it brings you the experiences that you need to grow.

What do you think will really help you grow?

That’s right, pain.

If you choose to stay comfortable year after year, life will just put you in the same circumstances over and over again – one more painful than another.

What’s the alternative?

Well, you can choose to be uncomfortable. You can say “to hell with mediocrity” and choose to dig deeper within yourself and follow your intuition and inner voice of wisdom. You can choose to work with the opportunities life brings you to grow and transform and expand rather than ignoring them and stagnating as an unhappy, mediocre, jealous couch potato.

You can keep waiting for “one day”, and being comfortable in the meantime, or you can choose to be uncomfortable now and see your life transform as you grow into the person you’re meant to be.

When you choose mediocrity and comfort, you waste precious time from your life. The more uncomfortable you are, the more you push yourself to question everything, the more you expand.

Want to reach your full potential? Want to find out just how high you can reach? Be uncomfortable. Screw mediocrity. Screw doubts and doubtfuls all around. Screw expectations. Question everything. Push yourself. Every day, know yourself a little better. Every day, love a little more. Love everyone around. Love yourself. And you will soar.

Here’s something else you need to do:

Go where your resistance takes you.

Having trouble with something? Do you always get stuck in bad relationships? Can you never focus enough to take something from beginning to end? Do you keep stumbling into this part of you that you just can’t stand?

Go there.

I’m serious.

Having trouble losing weight? Have you tried for your entire life, but you just can’t make it happen? Focus on that. Drill deep down. Why do you want to lose this weight? What’s stopping you? How is being overweight serving you right now? Is this your reality and self-mindset?

Do you keep dating useless pieces of junk? Work on that. How much do you really love yourself? How much do you think you’re worth? How is being in these relationships serving your current sense of self and beliefs about reality?

Just can’t focus? Make that your priority. Take a mindfulness course. Meditate. Understand why you’re having trouble with it, and how to either master and embrace it, or overcome it.

Where you’re most stuck, that’s where your biggest opportunity lies.

If you keep falling while trying to climb over this wall, and yet life just keeps putting it in front of you, then take that message: this is your biggest growth lesson. Make it your purpose for the next few months or years to learn it. Get a coach, read every book you can get your hands on, and be with yourself a lot.

When you finally pick that lock and open the treasure chest of this growth lesson, you will discover a miraculous key that will help you unlock so many doors to success.

That is your Link to Yourself.

Every single lesson life brings, every wall it builds in your path, is a doorway to knowing yourself better, being more in tune with your intuition, following your inner wisdom, and expanding to use your full potential.

You don’t need external validation. You don’t need outside incentives. You don’t need to focus on things that seem so boring, you’d rather jump in a deep well than do this for your entire life.

All you need to do is be true to yourself. Listen to the voice of your inner wisdom. Follow your excitement, even if it feels uncomfortable. Go where your intuition leads you.

Are you failing? Get back on track with these 6 steps!

So you put down your guard. You slipped into old patterns.

You religiously stuck to the exercise program… until you were just too tired. Then you conveniently “forgot” about it for a week.

You were done gossiping. But then that one really good bit came up… it was really just too good to pass up.

Falling off the bandwagon can easily make you feel like you’re a failure. That is a stinky feeling. When you feel like a failure it’s tempting to just stop pursuing your resolution altogether. What’s the point? You’re just going to fail again anyway…

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without the loss of enthusiasmYep, you are. You are just going to fail again. You are going to fail a million times throughout your life. And you are not alone.

No one, and by that I mean no one, reaches their resolutions without setbacks. Everyone fails.

The bigger the change, the bigger the struggle to achieve it, and the bigger and more frequent the slips and falls along the way.

You’re doing something radical. You’re tossing mediocrity and conventionality to the side. You’re following your intuition and reaching for goals you’ve never before allowed yourself to go after.

You’re putting aside your mask, and following your true potential. When you’re this vulnerable, it’s easy to let fear, stress, doubt, naysayers, and other everyday dangers push you back.

When you take a tumble, it’s tempting to throw in the towel.

It’s time for a reality check.

Change takes effort, time, and a serious fight against resistance. It’s not easy, and doesn’t come easily to anyone. Everyone falls down.

That moment when things get tough is when you’re at your most vulnerable, but also when you’re growing the most. That’s when it becomes truly essential to not give up. That’s when you can have a breakthrough moment, if you just allow yourself to push through the fears and doubts and trust your intuition and your path.

So check your disappointment at the door, put your heavy bag of fears and doubts down, and let’s get to work dealing with this mess that’s called change.

Here is what you need to do:

1. Face your setback

The first thing you need to do is accept your setback. Embrace it, even.

I know, I know. That doesn’t sound right. Hear me out anyway.

So you had a setback.

It happens to literally every single successful person. Sir James Dyson, inventor and founder of the Dyson company, says  that “You never learn from success, but you do learn from failure.” (click here to read his interview with Entrepreneur magazine)

Here’s the thing to remember:

Failure is an event, not a character trait. So stop letting it define you.

You choose how to respond to your setbacks. But before responding, you have to just come to terms with the fact that shit happens.

Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you succeed.

But the important thing is that you’re heading in the right direction.

If I set course to San Francisco from New York, I can be walking two steps forward and one step back, tumbling, stepping and hopping along the way, but as long as I stay on course I will eventually reach my destination.

2. Get back up

Get back up. Right away.

Don’t be tempted to quit just because you had one bad spell.

If you pigged out (Ms. Oink here knows), commit to following your resolution of healthy eating for the rest of the day.

If you’ve slipped back into a bad habit, stop. Get back on the bandwagon, right now.

Nip it in the bud.

It’s not going to be easy. I never said it would.

But recovering today is less painful than doing it a year from now, when you have given your resistance time to grow.

Look, resistance is unavoidable, if you really want to make this change, you have to accept that.

So get up and get your butt back in the game! Time’s a-wastin’!

3. Take responsibility

One of my biggest guiding values is taking responsibility for my life.

Too often, we blame our actions, successes, and failures on outside circumstances.

You didn’t fail because you were too tired, stressed out, or because the stars just didn’t align right.

You fell off the bandwagon because of your inner resistance. You gave in to your doubts and fears. You’re human, and you just lost focus and let yourself get discouraged.

That’s OK.

Maybe you could have done something better. You probably could have said no. You could have been perfect.

But you’re not perfect, and you were not made to be perfect. And the more you embrace that and take responsibility for your life, the better you can jump over the hoops and follow your destiny.

So when you slip, call it what it is. Don’t blame it on other circumstances. Life, stress, and other people only have as much power over you as you give them. Recognize that the power lies within yourself, and stop giving it away. Claim it back.

How did you create this failure? What could you do better to prevent it from happening next time? What can you do to ensure your success?

4. Get perspective

When you slip and fall, your mind has a way of making a mountain out of a molehill.

Your emotions can get the better of you, and leave you susceptible to your inner resistance.

Don’t be tempted to take a seat on the poor-me-i-can-never-get-anything-done-EVER train.

I’m intimately familiar with every car of that train. It sucks, big time.

That only makes things worse. And the more time you spend on that train of doom, the harder it is to get back up and keep going.

To get some perspective, ask yourself, how much will this matter in 5 years? And what can you do now to make it not matter in 5 years, and ensure your success?

These questions will shift your focus from worrying to taking action – which is the only thing you should be doing.

5. Help someone out

When you fall down, go help someone else pick themselves back up. Motivate them, inspire them, listen to them. Be a friend to them.

It’s so much easier to see the worth in other people. By convincing them that they are worth it, and that they can do it, you are putting yourself in that motivational can-do mindset, and allowing yourself to perceive your own worth as well.

Helping others when you’re going through a tough time will also help you realize that you are not alone. They are going through tough struggles as well. We all have our own hoops to jump through.

When things are tough, give a hand. Hop on the love train. I’ll save you a seat.

6. Channel your inner child

Have you ever seen a baby learn to walk?

It is one of the most adorable things to watch. It’s also terribly inspirational.

We are born with an extraordinary capacity to be present right here, right now, and a fantastic desire to learn.

Anyone who’s watched a child take a tumble knows they cry for a little and then just get over it. If it’s a small slip and fall, and they really want to get to their goal (cupcakes, anyone?), they just get up and keep going. Sometimes it never even registers that their nose kissed the floor. By the time they have the cupcake, the fall is a distant memory.

Your goal is their cupcake, and your setback is their small slip and fall along the way.

When you feel like you are failing, bring out the child inside of you. Go for that cupcake (goal), and don’t stop till you have it!

 

I’d love to learn from your experience!

What do you do to pick yourself up when you feel like you’re starting to fail?

 

Can’t keep up with your resolutions? Here’s why

I’ll be honest, I haven’t always been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions.

I always start out all fired up and full of drive and motivation to do all the stuff that I’ve set out to do.

But, right around this time of year, I usually make best friends with a giant pint of ice cream, the feeling of being a failure, and 5 lbs (if I’m lucky).

It stinks.

Boost  your motivation with the power of habitThis year, I was tempted not to make a resolution in the first place. After all, failure seemed inevitable.

But then I realized there is a certain drive for change that comes along with a new beginning. A new year in particular can give us that fresh, lovely feeling of starting off with a clean slate.

Resolutions help us take that purely emotional drive and translate it into a goal and an action plan that has the possibility to create lasting change.

Instead of giving up on making resolutions, I decided to discover what causes us to fail at them.

It turns out that overreliance on motivation drives failure.

Whoa, wait, what? No way, motivation is a good thing!

Yes! Motivation is awesome… to get you started.

But once you start… it’s not motivation that should keep you going!

Motivation leaves you too susceptible to the resistance within you. [Read more...]