4 lessons I learned in my first year of marriage

My husband and I got married on New Year’s Eve in 2012. In the spirit of focusing on the marriage rather than the wedding and saving our money, we had a small (and lovely!) ceremony at the courthouse. (We’re eventually planning a small wedding… for whenever the time will be right!)

1-9-14 marriageThis New Year’s Eve, we celebrated our first anniversary (as is our style, cooking up a fantastic meal in our sweatpants and chilling together).

Over the past week, I’ve been reflecting on our marriage and all that I’ve learned during this past year.

1. Marriage is not 50:50

This is something I learned from someone very wise, and that has proven to be one of the most important pieces of wisdom I’ve carried with me into my marriage.

The truth is, we always feel like we’re doing more. We always feel like the other person isn’t doing enough for us. That’s because we’re always focused on our needs, we know each other best, and we communicate our desires imperfectly.

Aside from learning to communicate and know each other better (I highly recommend the book “The Five Love Languages” for this), we needed to change our expectations. Instead of expecting it to feel like we’re both doing equal amounts of work, we’ve adjusted our expectations to feel like we’re doing 60% of the work and the other person is doing 40%, and that’s okay. That’s the way it should be.

Because that’s what 50:50 really feels like. [Read more...]