What question are you afraid to ask yourself?

I’ve been sitting on this post for a long time. In the spirit of naked, bold un-confidence and authenticity, here it is.

I sat there, head in my hands, for what felt like a very long time.

I let out a sigh – I needed to move on. I couldn’t let this keep getting to me. [Read more...]

Why you’re stuck and nothing is working

So you’ve made up your mind to eliminate a bad habit. Or build a good one. To change something about your life. Make it better.

You want to lose weight and feel good in your skin again.

You want to get organized and stop procrastinating.

You want to make your business more successful.

You want to wake up early and be productive.

You want to cultivate the habit of mindfulness and become more zen.

You’ve gone out, done your research, and immersed yourself in books, websites, and “friendly advice”. You’ve tried a dozen different diets, snoozed a million times, taken more business courses than your wallet can afford, and only become more frustrated in the process.

No matter what you try, nothing seems to change. You’re stuck, and you’re ready to throw yourself on the floor and stomp and cry like a toddler because nothing. is. working, dammit!

I’ve been there. [Read more...]

How to sell yourself

I am great at selling. I sell things, other people, and random products like they’re the next best thing since sliced bread.

But when it comes to selling myself, or something I made?

Oh, hell no.

I disappoint myself on a daily (okay, hourly) basis. How am I supposed to tell someone else I will be worth their time and money and keep a straight face through it all?

But if you’re an entrepreneur (and not only if you’re an entrenepreur, but especially if you are one) selling yourself and what you create is a part of your day-to-day life. If you want to be successful, you have to know your own worth, say it loud and say it proud.

Being sick and tired with my own apparent inability to sell myself, I’ve come up with an exercise for gaining confidence in yourself, seeing what you’re really worth, and learning to sell yourself. It’s simple (all the best and most effective things are), but powerful.

Ready? Let’s go.

[Read more...]

The truth about disempowering beliefs and how to defeat them

Have you ever told yourself that you’re stupid or ugly?

Have you ever looked at yourself and told yourself how fat and lazy you are?

Have you ever given up on a project because you didn’t believe in yourself enough?

You’re not alone.

Virtually every person in the world has told themselves something they shouldn’t have. There is no one in this world who hasn’t at least once made a self-demeaning comment to him or herself.

Disempowering beliefs are not only painful, but also dangerous. They can cause you to abandon many projects that could have made a positive impact on your life. Fortunately, they’re not impossible to defeat. Click play to learn three truths about self-defeating thoughts and how to remove them from your life.

In summary, your disempowering beliefs…

1. …come from your ego trying to dissuade you from changing

2. …do not belong to you

3. …will stick around for as long as you continue to feed them

They don’t look nearly as daunting when you see what they’re really made of, do they? ;)

What disempowering belief will you eliminate first?

 

Want more energy? Simplify your life!

I’ve been really tired lately. Part of it was because of a nasty stomach bug. Part of it was just burnout.

I’ve been doing too much, throwing myself too much into work, business, and friendships. And when my life gets too busy, I not only get excited, I also get seriously stressed out.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the worry-queen of the world. Seriously. If I don’t have anything to worry about, I can easily manufacture something to worry about.

Do worries sell? I could make a fortune with this. Oh wait, the press already does. Nevermind.

Thankfully, I was able to change that around pretty easily.

You see, I live intuitively. What that means is that I do whatever my body (and soul) tells me is right for me. So I took some time off from really working on Link to Yourself (there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes!) and focused on reconnecting with myself and honoring my feelings.

I love taking time for myself, because it allows me to see what I’m doing that doesn’t resonate with me, as well as what I’m not doing enough of that really does resonate with me, and change my plans accordingly. Sure, I’m taking some time away from working on my business and maintaining friendships. But I’m OK with that, because doing less stuff but staying true to myself brings me more benefits than doing more stuff that may or may not be in tune with my feelings and values.

In short, I don’t like living my life in the dark. When I constantly maintain my connection with my true self, I make infinitely better choices. End of story.

Now that I’ve mesmerized you with this wonderful foray into my (utterly boring) life, let’s get down to business and talk about energy. More specifically, why you’re lacking energy, and what you can do to get lots more of it.

Download the Action Tracking Worksheet. I’ve already pre-filled it with an example of one of my own mornings :)

In the end, it all boils down to three steps:

  1. Figure out your energy drains
  2. Discriminate ruthlessly
  3. Simplify your life

Of course, there are a myriad other things I didn’t include here that you should be doing like getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating real food. But, even if you haven’t nailed these basic energy-growing habits, I trust that through this three-step system you will realize how important they are and get the motivation you need to start doing them regularly.

If you’re going to do nothing else, I want you to at least track your life for at least one day and choose one thought and one action that you will eliminate. Then commit to it. Planning is worthless without action!

How will you simplify your life to create more energy?

 

Is hooking up safe?

This past weekend the New York Times released an article about women in college and their preferences for hooking up rather than dating. You can read it here.

Penn is my alma mater, which means it’s very close to my heart. This article didn’t really sit well with me. In general, I feel that it unfairly (1) selectively singles out Penn and (2) generalizes from the girls it quotes to the entire female student body. But, of course, I understand the temptation of piggybacking on the reputation of an Ivy League school for publicity. Next time maybe try Princeton, and ask “Penn mom” to give advice?

(I should mention here, in case that joke didn’t hit home, that Penn and Princeton are rivals.)

Snark aside, this raised a very important question in my mind. Just how safe are hook-ups and one-night stands anyway? Initially it seems like an easy and harmless (with proper precautions) way to de-stress and have your needs met all at once. The next day, you’re back to the hustle and bustle of daily life. No consequences. Right?

Of course, it’s never that simple. Modern technology might have provided ways around the physical consequences of (willingly) hooking up, but we still possess a monkey brain behind all of that civilized intelligence. And this monkey brain may just retaliate in the most unexpected ways later on.

In this video, I explain how this combination of hooking up and monkey brain can spell bad news for your future emotional well-being. (please excuse my bad hair day… we all get ‘em!)

Unfortunately, you can’t measure the consequences of hooking up. They blend in along with everything else you experience and show up in tiny ways in day-to-day mostly unconscious behavior. Shame is a tricky little devil. It sneaks up on you and strikes just when you least expect it (and you most often don’t even realize it). Unless you have a policy of complete authenticity in your life, there’s always going to be some shame hanging around waiting for you to address.

What’s your take on this?

How to stop being jealous

Growing up, I was very competitive. While I loved my friends and wanted what was best for them (and helped them achieve their goals as much as I could), I also wanted to be the best.

You know how it goes… “I’m happy for every achievement you have, as long as your achievements are not greater than mine.” The ugly truth.

Over time, of course, I learned to work with these little demons of mine and stop comparing myself to others (which is, let’s face it, the main cause of jealousy). That is a big task, and it can take years of practice to master. I am reminded of that reality every time I feel that knot in my stomach when someone else just happens to stumble into success… and I still seem to be here slaving away with seemingly zero results.

But, like you, I don’t like being jealous. I never wanted to be jealous in the first place. It’s just this ugly feeling that creeps into my soul and shows up in the worst circumstances – the times when I want to be there for my friends and be truly happy for them.

Fortunately, I’ve found a system that works for me when I find myself in the throes of jealousy – it might work for you too.

Before you roll up your sleeves, here are two things you should understand about jealousy first:

1. Your friend has probably worked a lot harder than you think. Chances are, they didn’t just stumble into success half-assing their work. They worked their butt off. Maybe even more so than you.

2. You are jealous because you compare yourself with others. You compare yourself with others because you’re insecure and have the self-defeating belief that by being “better” than those around you (by what standards, anyway?) you will command more respect, appreciation, and acceptance. Chances are, once you finally do get ahead, you will realize what an empty illusion this is. But, for now, it seems very hard to shake.

Now that you understand what jealousy is made of, click play on the video below to learn what you can do to let go of your jealousy and be truly happy for your friends.

Jealousy is a nasty little demon… but when you understand why it happens and take the right steps, you can successfully let go of these feelings and get back to your cheery old self.

Do you struggle with jealousy? What do you do to help yourself let go of it?