If I die tomorrow, I want you to know this

It happened six years ago. The day I thought I would die. I still remember it to this day.

I walked into school like any other high school senior. I had gotten accepted into my dream college and was looking forward to passing the last few months of school being bored, pretending to work, and chatting my days away with my friends while we were still all in one place.

Instead, I was pulled into a separate room, to be interrogated.

“We have received an e-mail from your e-mail address that contains pictures of a document you didn’t have access to. We want to know what happened.”

1-20-14 if i dieI told them I didn’t know what they were talking about. That I hadn’t sent any e-mails. They refused to show me their copy of the e-mail. They only asked me if that was my e-mail address (it was).

They asked me if my final grades mattered for college. What college I was going to. If a phone call accusing me of fraud would make them revoke my admissions offer.

They pulled in every single other student in my class. Made several girls cry.

Parents came in, argued, threatened, all to no avail. The corrupt system was well defended.

Someone had hacked my e-mail address and sent an e-mail as if having been delivered from my address to the school principal and my homeroom teacher, as well as a few other students, containing pictures of a future test they had “found”.

For this, I was being punished.

I tried to prove my innocence – but the e-mail provider needed to have the original e-mail, and they refused to even let me see it, let alone have it.

I tried to bring a lawyer – they informed me that this was internal school business so the lawyer couldn’t interfere.

During those few months until I graduated, I experienced the most intense emotions. Fear, anger, fury, desperation, hope…

One day, I just broke down. [Read more...]

Take charge of your life: what’s your excuse?

Excuses, excuses… those pesky buggers.

I make them every day.

They successfully help me avoid cleaning up, put off cooking healthy foods that take time, and daring to step up my game in my business.

I’m not the only one, either: most of the people I talk to on a daily basis are constantly making excuses for why they can’t have the life they really want to have.

But there’s something very important I have to tell you about that: You can’t afford NOT to live a life you love. [Read more...]

4 lessons I learned in my first year of marriage

My husband and I got married on New Year’s Eve in 2012. In the spirit of focusing on the marriage rather than the wedding and saving our money, we had a small (and lovely!) ceremony at the courthouse. (We’re eventually planning a small wedding… for whenever the time will be right!)

1-9-14 marriageThis New Year’s Eve, we celebrated our first anniversary (as is our style, cooking up a fantastic meal in our sweatpants and chilling together).

Over the past week, I’ve been reflecting on our marriage and all that I’ve learned during this past year.

1. Marriage is not 50:50

This is something I learned from someone very wise, and that has proven to be one of the most important pieces of wisdom I’ve carried with me into my marriage.

The truth is, we always feel like we’re doing more. We always feel like the other person isn’t doing enough for us. That’s because we’re always focused on our needs, we know each other best, and we communicate our desires imperfectly.

Aside from learning to communicate and know each other better (I highly recommend the book “The Five Love Languages” for this), we needed to change our expectations. Instead of expecting it to feel like we’re both doing equal amounts of work, we’ve adjusted our expectations to feel like we’re doing 60% of the work and the other person is doing 40%, and that’s okay. That’s the way it should be.

Because that’s what 50:50 really feels like. [Read more...]

3 things you don’t know about your past that can change your future

The authentic change webinar is tomorrow! Woo hoo! I’m so excited for it and I hope you are too. I have so much to share with you and I can’t wait. If you haven’t signed up for it yet, do it here!

Whenever I get asked by people what coaches do that’s so different than therapy, I always tell them that we help the person move forward, get from where they are to where they want to be. We don’t dig as deeply into the past.

I recently realized that’s a bit of a lie, to be honest. Because you can’t change your future without digging into your past. We may do it far less than therapy, but it’s a necessary part of our inner work.

I was talking to my mom the other day – helping her understand why she had a negative judgment towards someone else. Even though we tried to avoid going into the past, in the end we had to go there – because it was related to something she hadn’t accepted about herself.

When I lost 20 lbs, I had to dig deep and understand how my story had created my current reality – and by realizing how I was trying to protect myself through the extra weight, I was able to let it go and lose the pounds fairly quickly.

In today’s episode, I’m showing you three simple truths about your past that can transform your future. [Read more...]

My theme for 2014 (+ my theme-discovery process)

I’ve been pondering my theme for 2014 for a while.

My first thought was “courage”. But that didn’t sound just right. Too cliche.

1-2-14 truthThen I thought of “surrender”. Hmm, closer. But still not right.

I didn’t want it to be a word I just so happened to choose. I wanted it to be intuitive. Holistic. Resonate deep within my being.

This is a word I will carry with me through the year. My mantra to help me dive deeper into the changes I’ve chosen to make in my life.

So I took a piece of paper, and started writing down… [Read more...]

Transform your life without setting goals

A couple of weeks ago I told you why I think setting goals is a bad idea.

That hasn’t changed. I still think that goals set you up for failure more than success.

1. Goals keep you focused on the destination, instead of allowing you to focus on the journey. Whether your goal is to run a successful business, get in shape, or have a better relationship, what you want to focus on is this present moment – not the future. Lofty goals will leave you discouraged, while too-small ones will leave you not motivated enough. Relying on artificial ideas of what you think the destination will look like is the poorest form of motivation I’ve ever heard of.

2. Goals are completely artificial and are usually created by the ego, which means two things: one, you’re setting a destination for yourself without knowing that it’s the right one (you can probably tell the direction is right, but not necessarily the destination).

3. You’re allowing the ego to take charge by setting up a new construct that it can compare you to (and create lots of shame and guilt around not having reached it, having over-reached it and therefore not aimed far enough, or having landed someplace else altogether – even if you’re actually better off than you would have been had you reached the goal in the first place). Fun fun fun.

4. You’re pushing forward with the destination in sight (and only the destination in sight) without considering where you’re coming from and whether or not your beliefs about yourself and the world actually allow that kind of transformation to take place.

That will bring you tons of challenges and resistance that you don’t have the tools to deal with, so you chalk it up to “need more willpower” or “poor time management” and throw your money at yet another course that gives you a boatload of gimmicks and tricks that cover up the issue like a band-aid but don’t actually do anything about the real underlying problem. (Ask me why I don’t believe in time management issues… another video for a future Monday!)

Since year-end has left me seeing everyone boast about their goals (and the inner me screaming NOOOOOOOO) I’ve put together the framework I’ve used to create some huge changes in my life from the inside out. From the bottom up. From top to bottom.

You get the point.

Since it’s kind of complex to explain all in one video, I take you through a portion of it in today’s Shine your Light Monday vlog, and have prepared the rest for a FREE workshop/webinar you can participate in on Tuesday, January 7th, 2014. It will take place at 7 pm EST/4 pm PST, and you can sign up for it here.

Of course, I will have a recording for you after it’s over. But there’s nothing like being there in person, so show up!

Without further ado… here’s your quick lesson in un-goal setting! [Read more...]

The secret to love, friendship, and success

People act selfishly.

It’s a big lesson and one that can bring you a lot of freedom when you finally understand it.

What you think people do TO you is probably not their intention at all. They’re just going after what feels good and avoiding what doesn’t, or what brings them fear and pain.

The secret to love, friendship, and success is  [Read more...]

4 tips for a peaceful + loving Christmas dinner

Merry Christmas (almost)!

Christmas is a time of joy, gifts, love… and lots of family gatherings, which always tends to make sparks fly.

With all of the intrusive questions and judgmental comments, and you have a bomb cocktail of feelings.

But this year it can be different for you. You can be calm, composed, and loving. You can have a peaceful Christmas where every unwanted comment rolls off your back and you get to actually enjoy being with your family.

Doesn’t that sound like something worth having? [Read more...]

What question are you afraid to ask yourself?

I’ve been sitting on this post for a long time. In the spirit of naked, bold un-confidence and authenticity, here it is.

I sat there, head in my hands, for what felt like a very long time.

I let out a sigh – I needed to move on. I couldn’t let this keep getting to me. [Read more...]

Why setting goals is BAD for you and your business

It’s mid December…

…which means everyone is knee-deep in their goals and resolutions for 2014.

I’ve been thinking about it myself. 2013 felt… heavy for me. Tough. Like walking through a swamp. I made a lot of progress in some areas (my marriage, my understanding of myself and the world, mindfulness and spirituality, Link to Yourself), and too little progress in other areas (by whose frickin’ standards?)

2014 feels rich with possibility. Beaming with opportunities and new beginnings. A brand new year at my feet, ready for me to make the best out of every minute of it.

So, I sat down, as I usually do, to do my goals for the year…

…and realized that it no longer works for me.

Looking back over my previous years, I realized that goals have only kept me from going in the direction I really needed to go, and have actually prevented from being successful. (Say what?!?!) [Read more...]