Afraid or insecure? You’re not alone!

This website has been on my mind for many years.

And I have big dreams for it.

But… I’m also terribly afraid.

I dream of dismantling artificial rules and shoulds and would like tos; helping others find their voice and craft their way; empowering people to create happiness, contentment, and sheer joy in their lives; guiding them towards finding clarity, confidence, and success while following their own dreams.

Post 10 5-1-2013This is my vision.

Three years ago I started a personal development blog on a whim. It was cute, naïve, and fearless.

And it only lasted for a couple of months.

I don’t know whether it just didn’t matter enough to me at that point, whether I wasn’t ready for it, or whether I just didn’t know where to take it and what to do with it. Or whether I was simply scared.

Because if I was as scared as I am now, then I don’t blame myself for quitting it.

I’ve helped a lot of other people, especially during the past three years as I’ve grown from the naïve girl I was when I first started my blog into the (slightly more) mature woman I am today.

But the fear of connection is always there. Or rather, the fear of disconnection.

I’m afraid that I will fail to achieve my dream. I’m afraid that I will simply have nothing to offer. I’m afraid that I will not only not help someone, but waste their time and even give them bad guidance.

I’m afraid that, once people discover that I’m nothing more than another vulnerable person with too many insecurities to wrap my head around, they will dump me. Mock me. Criticize me and leave me jumbled up in a pool of my own tears.

I’m afraid of being vulnerable and open and daring, as every coach must be in order to truly help their clients.

The truth is, you have to help yourself before you can help others. And through this, I’m doing exactly what I want my clients to do.

I’m putting myself out there before I have the confidence that I can, or will, succeed. I’m doing it in spite of the fear that keeps my knees shaking, and the doubt that keeps my hands from typing.

The funny thing is, this should feel second nature to me. My entire life I have done just that. I have gone out there, battled the rules, the fear, doubt, and contrary advice, and done what I felt was best.

This feels nothing like that. This is real. This feels like I’m taking the biggest test of them all.

I’m sure there are bigger hurdles that await me. After all, I only just got married. Children, teenagers, death of my loved ones, and personal and financial disaster are still potentially ahead of me.

But my biggest fear is not jumping over one of these hurdles.

My biggest fear is that I will grow old and feel the pain that comes along with knowing I have not truly put myself out there and put out my best in life.

I tremble in front of the insecurity of the future that stares back at me now, but I shiver curled up on the floor in front of the pain that I would feel from wondering “what could have been.”

It looks like I don’t have a choice. Whether I like it or not, time passes. Do I fight the fear of realizing at the end of my life that I did not truly fulfill my destiny, or do I fight the fear of failure right in front of me?

I choose the lesser fear. I choose to fight my doubts and keep putting myself out there. I choose to go out and try to live my dream, try to help people, the best I can. I vow to be better at it tomorrow than I was today. And I vow to live what I preach. Because that is absolutely the only way for me to live without fearing the big “what could have been” at the end of the road.

So today, I’m terrified. But I choose courage. Integrity. Vulnerability. I choose to go after my dreams, and let the Universe decide what blueprint I will leave in this world. That is not my job.

My job is to do my best work, and be my best self. And I invite you to join me in this journey. Power lies, after all, in numbers.

What fears are you facing right now? How do you motivate and encourage yourself to keep going despite ongoing doubts?

I shared mine. Now it’s your turn!

Be fearless.
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Comments

  1. Shannon says:

    Hey Laura,

    I’m in the midst of possibly my hardest challenge yet. I too strive to live my life to its fullest potential and try to bring my best self forward. I endeavour to evolve continually always remaining true to that inner most voice which often can get muffled. I have recently come to the conclusion that my partner of seven years is not my life partner. In spite of all his amazing qualities and wonderfulness he does not share our passion for self honesty, truth seeking and life’s fullest potential. As you might well imagine, I am currently in the throws of tremendous pain and self doubt. Thank you for sharing your strength. As you say, there is strength in numbers and knowing that I am not alone brings me strength.

    with love and kindness,
    Shannon

    • Shannon,

      Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. It’s really tough to make such a big change. There are all of these parts of you that are telling you to doubt yourself, to be afraid, that you’re not good enough. But there is one voice of truth, the source of power and wisdom inside of you. Try to connect with that voice, the one that knows what’s best for you, the one that believes in your amazing potential. We all have it inside – it’s like the voice of our future self that knows just how amazing we really are. You really are not alone – everyone struggles with fear, doubt, and defeat. The more we struggle with it, the more we learn about ourselves – all of the pain and doubt and fear are the reason why I’m doing this in the first place! They have allowed me to go deeper, know myself better, understand what wonder we all possess inside. You can find that strength within as well, I know you can. All you have to do is be still and look for it.

      Sending you lots of love and warm hugs,

      Laura

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